Recently I showed a new friend an old photo of myself. Noting my dark hair, her first comment was that I must be trying to reinvent myself since my husband died. I thought a little about this idea and decided that although my life might look different in some ways than it did a few years ago, I like to think of it as adapting, rather than reinventing.
First of all the hair. I didn't decide to get rid of my dark tresses. Mother nature did that for me. My only decision was to not give in to the mousy grey mother nature replaced it with. My dark hair was also thick and could be worn long and shiny. Now, if I were to wear it long it would look like several thin strings down my back. Short, blond hair works with the changes time has brought me.
Second, the cowgirl. Now this is not new. The horse woman was always there, just never had the time or money to live the life. This is not a reinvention but is instead a childhood dream realized.
The car. I've talked about this before. The car is my son's, on loan while I serve my mission. No midlife crisis or reinvention there. I'm still a station wagon type inside.
Of course there have been some attempts at adaptation that have failed. For example, I read that "mineral" make up was supposed to work better for "mature" skin, restoring a youthful glow. Ha! One day of minerals made me feel like I'd been through a sand storm in the Kalahari. No thank you. I will look old.
As far as the rest of my life goes, I'm trying to happily live it. Using the time and talents (sometimes lack of talents) God has given me, I'm moving forward, or trying to. I don't know how much time I have on this earth, but I'm pretty sure I need to keep living while I breathe. I'd much rather do it with my Eternal companion by my side, but since that isn't possible, I'll do what I can while we are apart. So widow Becky may not be identical to married Becky. She is the same person, just trying to make the most of what is left.
